"NODE ZERO" DEMOLISHED! Omniaveritas shot! (Version 1)

"This is the voice of the Skiffy Defense Initiative. On November 26, 1986, our armed counterterrorist strike force received authorization from the National Security Council, or guys who looked and acted just like them, to surround the CHEAP TRUTH terrorist cell and neutralize them by any means necessary.

"A leak in the Marxist publication ROLLING STONE allowed us at last to establish irrefutable proof of linkage between CHEAP TRUTH's activities and the blustering madman known as the "Qaddafi of Technosleaze." At the modest cost of half a billion dollars, an attack was launched in a healthy condition of total press secrecy.

"Off-duty Dorsai mercenaries, freshly flown in from contra training camps in Honduras, opened ground fire with 9mm folding-stick Uzi submachine guns, silenced, Ingram Mac-10s, and Heckler-and-Koch MP5 automatic sidearms, meanwhile shouting a challenge and requesting all inside to identify themselves. They were met with savage return-fire from Czech-made Skorpion automatic pistols and cheap, cruddy, but witheringly effective Soviet-supplied AK47 automatic rifles.

"To our surprise we found that the supposedly 'simple wooden cabin' known as Node Zero had been armored in Kevlar and crammed with dozens of Cuban construction workers. Rescuer casualties mounted, and it became necessary to call in an airstrike.

"Blueprints of the Stealth bomber then strafed the terrorist fortress, followed by blistering orbital fire from X-ray lasers, particle beams, and magnetic rail-guns. This caused the enemies, with all their bad ideas, to vaporize without a trace and should have been done a long time ago."